The first one was having cockroaches on the wall next to my bed. I was scared and yelled but my movements were heavy with sleep.

The second one - two nights ago - was about having my legs cut off, after marking them as i and j. This I can understand as there are several evolution-trees reconstruction algorithms that start with some taxa, choose two of them (marked i and j ) and remove them, inserting their parent instead.

The last one was about my boyfriend and I booking a wedding hall, or at least a hall for a big event, and it was the day before the event, but we hardly sent any  invitations and didn’t have anything organized. This I can also understand. The wedding is obvious, but besides - we’re moving in together, and my boyfriend is taking his time packing, delaying everything to the last minute, when it’s too late to get more boxes or anything. It stresses me even more since a friend of mine is going through quite a lot of trouble to help us move, bringing a van and all, and it’s all just for him to be able to move out from the dorms whenever he’s comfortable.

This only leaves the cockroaches unsolved, but I think I know what it is.

I hate this moving stress.

Unacceptable.

It seemed like an easy mission, though, right? I mean, google it and get the answer. So no. You’ll get many sites that suggest you DL an extension and stuff like that. No way. So:

• In order to kill the horrible quickfind, go to about:config in the URL box, and search for “searchkeys” (no ” in your search). Double click on searchkeys.disable.all and set its value to true.
• In order to allow free clicking while browsing, go to about:config again, and search for “loadurl” (again, no “). Double click on middlemouse.contentLoadURL and set the value to false.

Hurray, you are now in possession of a better firefox!

P.S: It wasn’t trivial to find even in the second time.  I hope this will make the internets a better place.

1. Opencv. The bloody thing didn’t work after I upgraded from Interpid to Jaunty. So I’ve been trying internet patches for no good, but during that time I’ve added to /etc/apt/sources.list the following line deb http://ppa.launchpad.net/gijzelaar/opencv/ubuntu jaunty main
   When it became urgent (I have a project to work on that requires opencv), I sudo-ed my boyfriend to make it work. he cleaned up a little:
   sudo rm -rf /usr/local/lib/*
   and installed a little:
   sudo apt-get install libcv-dev
   and hurray, it works.
   I’m pissed at internet patches.
2. Annoying messages! Network connected? Why not putting an annoying message about it, that will disappear if your mouse hovers over it, but returns straight away? Someone in one of your Pidgin accounts logs in? Why not etc.
   So this very helpful site offers to
   sudo mv /usr/share/dbus-1/services/org.freedesktop.Notifications.service /usr/share/dbus-1/services/org.freedesktop.Notifications.service.disabled
   and reboot, and he’s right. Great success.

Annoyed at WordPress’s gui, I switched to code view. HTML code is easier than figuring this shit out. It says something about me which I do not like.

There’s a friend of mine I’ve been trying to meet lately. I’m also busy, of course, but it’s becoming too much.

She wanted to do something a week ago, but my boyfriend wanted to stay in. I thought it would be nice to go out just the two of us, but she wanted to spend time with her boyfriend, as she “didn’t see him” during exams period. The quotes is because they live together. I mean, now you’re both free, you can really meet another day. It’s much harder for the two of us to find time, as one can guess from the long time it’s been since we met.

So I offered lunch a few days ago, she said she can’t, and later said she can, but she called me on the way to a specific place (disgusting one) with her boyfriend. Thanks, no.

The one thing she did invite me to is this getting-married affair her boyfriend won’t go with her. Gee, why not also take me to see bathing-suits models or to an excellence program meeting? It would be fun to rub that in too! I refused and she dared ask why. Well, I’d rather spend my free mornings studying computability, even after I will pass the exam (if ever, though), than this. I’m painfully aware of the fact that most of my best friends have moved on with their lives, past the first-degree-single-student stage, and it’s just me there, no need for external reminders. I can also feel like a failure by taking a look at my grades, and this does not require walking around comparing wedding dresses prices and such.

My boyfriend went to the sauna today. He meets a friend there. I’m fine with that, really, but I’ve been feeling kind of neglected from his side as well lately, as he’s been very busy. Tomorrow we’re celebrating my brother’s birthday, and he’s not even sure he’ll come, busy and all. Yesterday, when he came, he was solo surfing the web, and I was also fine with that as I understand he wants and needs time alone, but when those things add up, they get me down.

How come I’m driving home, feeling there’s a rock on my chest?

How come I’m finishing my Campari while writing self-pitying  posts? Well, the bottle is near empty anyway. It’s time to get rid of it, and I’d hate to just toss it away.

How come I’m so good at hiding stuff? I mean, I can show I’m depressed when I want, but I usually don’t want to. Where the hell did I learn that? Is it me this good, or is it that people around me are so, I’m not sure what, do not want to get themselvs into someone else’s problems if they don’t have to?

 Morning

I feel better now, but like I don’t know what caused me to feel bad, I’m not sure why I feel better. I guess I’ll have to sit down and think about this more thoroughly.

I’m gonna try to introduce two friends of mine. I think they have a couple-potential.

1. I have one less good friend. She got engaged a week ago, after expecting to get engaged for more than a year (3 years, more or less). During this time I heard quite a lot about how much she wants this to happen, and how he won’t etc. About the actual engagement I read in a forum. I  logged in to MSN to say Mazal Tov, and she only said “thanks”. I told her it was weird to find out like this, and she blamed it on excitement and all. No apology whatsoever. It’s worth mentioning that she was clear enough to change her messenger line to a wedding-related line, and informing other people. Calling to invite me to the engagement party, however, was very easy for her. I told her today I wouldn’t come as I’m sick (true, by the way, but I’d go if she was a good friend). She got bitch and said “great”. Then she blamed me for insulting her by not coming / having a bad excuse. Well, fuck you, bitch. If I’m not important enough to call to, she should be okay without me.

2. Ever since I switched to CS I have a feeling I’m left behind. All my friends from my previous faculty are in their Ms.C / Ph.D, most of them got married / living with a significant other, one is pregnant. I feel stuck in a phase they have all left. As if that’s not enough, my CS friends are also getting married and engaged all over. I am happy for them, but my boyfriend is not even interested in moving in with me (dorms are more comfortable - cheap, heated and close to the faculty). I want to move forward.

Another less important reason is my constant feeling that I cheat everyone around me. People get the impression I’m smart and intelligent. This is because I’m a very verbal person, and it stands out especially in a faculty like CS, whose students  have a dubious reputation regarding HR. The exams are coming closer, and I have no idea what I’m gonna do.

Should be going to sleep, but I don’t want to. Listening to music is better. Currently I’m listening to someone who used to be a very good friend. Unfortunately, we’re not. It’s unfortunate because I did feel like I owe him a lot, and he did something that really upset me to make me change my mind about him. Well, I’m to tired to write the “how I got a backbone” story, so not today. Maybe I’ll go play guitar.

Two edits:

1. Something happened to my voice. I can hardly carry a tune.

2. A few days ago I came into his office, and sitting with legs up, like a fucking queen of a castle, is his ex. He didn’t tell me this was his ex when we met, only after I asked whether I know any of them. She’s trying to get in to our faculty, I wish her hard fail. I’m a bitch, yes, but first, she’s innit for the money and second - I don’t like her going to his office regularly. It’s not that I don’t trust him, I just don’t like it. Don’t like her face, especially not next to his. Going there to print (well, she can’t print in our pc farm cause she’s not in our faculty, screw her), or asking him to keep some of her stuff there, or asking him for coffee. No. He’s not your boyfriend, fuck off. Anyway, she’s sitting on the better chair, her legs over the other one, leaving only one rotten chair available. After standing for a few minutes, I rudely asked if I can get a chair. Plus, this sight annoyed me so much that I didn’t say a word to her. Later he said I was rude and said he didn’t like it. Told him I didn’t like her either.  Well, he said he’ll keep meeting her. I’m saying neither me nor my friends will ever assist her. Will point her out though, some of my friends are nice enough to help around to strangers. I get angry again just from writing about it. I suppose that this girlfriend pose she assumed made me feel unnecessary / not wanted. I don’t reposnd well to such things. On the other hand, she’s not worth bothering getting over it. I sure hope that my faculty’s evil reputation will block her way. Go to the university, bitch.

I’m still going to fail though. Don’t know jack shit.

1. I’m gonna fail anyway.

2. It’s not fun.

3. I have no other time to write. I prefer to write when I’m alone.

I don’t know if he reads this blog. If so, I should really get a Hebrew interface, as he’s not so keen of reading it.

Yom Kippur ended really good. We went out for a walk in a part of the neighborhood I didn’t know, a small park nearby. Climbing up, we got to a place where we were above every building in the area. It was so great. The weather was perfect for a walk (especially if you’re fasting), sunny but cool and not too hot. Then we took some movies from his place, and ended the fast with “once upon a time in America”. A very good movie.

On last Friday we drove to Tel Aviv to get diving suits. I decided that freezing while diving is not for me, and as a woman, there aren’t many suits when renting. They’re usually men’s suits, so I need an extra small size, and it’s too big around my wrists, waist and shoulders. So here goes 1200 NIS and a bit more for lunch, which we had in a superb vegan place called “Buddha Burger”. It was so delicious. This lunch created a two-days sequence where my boyfriend was a vegetarian. Not on purpose, of course, but today was another veggy day,so those days might add up to something eventually.

I’ll check the suit next week, as we’re going together to Eilat one day after my exam. We’ll stay in an apartments hotel, which means we can make our own food and I won’t have to deal with oily trash, so common in Eilat. I really don’t mind about the hotel besides that, actually. It has a bed and a shower, and that’s about all we need except of each other.

Time to get back to studying. I’m gonna try and actually write, see how my hand’s doing.

So diving course. On the first day I tried to put on the suit the wrong way, which caused bloody knuckles. On the first day we also had a short swim with snorkels. It was terrible, and made me quite terrified. Luckily, when you scuba-dive, it’s nothing like it, and there’re no waters in your nose and mouth. It took me 6 days to get used to the idea of breathing the same above and underwater (that is, when fully equipped). I used to take a long breath before sinking, which is extremely stupid when you think of it, because I was already breathing from my air (or Nitrox) tank. The food in Eilat is not acceptable in any way by my body. Too much oil makes me suffer, and there’s only so much bread I can eat. The population and the city itself made me think positively about Haifa, and the driving. Oh my god, the driving. From some reason the drivers there really like to get cars tight together, even when 80 Km/hr-ing. I suppose it’s for the best, as I do have to stay in Haifa for a while.